Reality Hits (& Bites)

My maternity leave is officially over. Well, today is my last weekday at home with lil peanut:(

Our last weekday AM walk..

Beginning July 6 when Mollie was born, fast forward 3 months and now it's time to go back to work. Early on I was overwhelmed with emotion & life and it definitely took me a good while to make sense of our new life and learning all these new ropes. Ha, not like I have it ALL figured it out yet:) But feel I sure could use some more time. I'm staying realistic and thinking, who could NOT use more time?!

I've worked from home throughout my leave and then in September I went into the office 2x a week. It's now October 1. Guess what that means- full time for me in the office starting this month. Ohhh has the day really come?!  Reality hits and tears fill my eyes.

Being home a few days a week with her for sure had it's pro's & con's. I wasn't rushed in the mornings. We got in our regular neighborhood walk & I was able to just snuggle with her for as long as I wanted. On the other hand, it really was non-stop. When she did nap, I could then get things done. I am not the cook of the household, Matt is, thank goodness. While I do clean, I could do a better job:) Between feeding her, pumping, washing things in the sink, laundry, playing with her, straightening the house, I was sometimes lucky to even get myself lunch made on time or close to it. That kind of hecticness I won't miss...but man, I will miss those snuggles:) With her bedtime about 7pm, and we get home around 5pm, that's not much time to spend with her! I think that's been the toughest part on my office days..I feel like I never get to see her. Although, P.S. Mollie, I don't NEED to see you in the middle of the night, so keep up the great sleeping!!

We adore Mollie's caregiver- she is with a wonderful lady (JoJo) and her family who all love kids! We've been transitioning into our routine for September and all seems great. Matt & I are working on the AM routine of feeding, quick nap for Molls, getting us and her dressed, bags packed, milk transported, dropping her off, etc. I am now questioning will I ever get my car and personal space back?? My thought is no. What used to fill my car was trashy mags, sunscreen and beach chairs has now been replaced with a stroller, carseat and an overfilled diaper bag. To be honest, I wouldn't trade that for anything! Even when Mollie isn't riding in the car with me, I glance in my rearview mirror, see her carseat and just smile ear to ear. She warms my heart through & through.

I always knew and assumed I'd be a 'working mom' and never thought I'd consider anything other...until I met my daughter. Don't get me wrong, I love to work and I love my job!! I know for a fact that staying home with a baby full-time would not satisfy me--at least not for very long I don't think. I've loved having best of both worlds this past month, but really, that's not for me either. It was very, very hard to work a whole lot at home and stay focused, so am confident that if I'm to work, I prefer the office. So what IS for me? I'm not sure 100%- but I know what it is for now and for a while.

As Oprah says, 'what I do know for sure' is...I love my daughter more than I ever thought possible and want the best in life for her. Mollie will grow up seeing her mom as an independent, confident woman who took her children and family's interests seriously and appropriately. Nothing less. She will see me laughing with Matt and us spending quality time with each other. SHE will grow up an independent & confident woman, as well.