Marshall McLuhan
“Everybody gets so much information all day long that they lose their common sense.”
Gertrude Stein
I've always felt like a pretty confident woman. Confidence in myself & confidence in my choices. It's always been a priority of mine to build up others self-esteem, especially women, as it's sooooo important and we all know why.
When Matt and I were first talking about starting a family, there wasn't a whole lot to do or 'study' ahead of time, per se. We wanted children together and that's all there was to it. So, of course, once you find out you are pregnant, the mass of information becomes out of control. I mean,you immediately want to read up on what you as a child-bearing mother should do & more so, what we should NOT do-- Matt likes to say the book "What to Expect When You are Expecting' is full of 'all things you cannot do.' In all honesty, he's spot on. When you are pregnant you tend to worry about what you are eating, your size & what's normal and more so, what's going on with this baby inside of me? Well, there are plenty of books, websites and people's opinions out there to last us a lifetime! I don't even think I read through all the pregnancy books I had.
Fast forward to the present & we have a beautiful and sweet 9-week old little girl:) Almost the moment she arrived, I then moved onto the books and websites of parenting. A whole new genre at Barnes & Noble, if you will. Now...I really didn't stress or worry much during pregnancy, I knew it was all in God's hands and as long as I did what was healthy for me and baby, that's all I could do. Ha, not the same way I feel now that she is here!!! I wish it were that simple. Maybe it is and I'm just suffering from information overload.
Once you have that new life in your arms, the decision has automatically been made that you will do ANYTHING & EVERYTHING in your power for them. It's so true, it's almost frightening. In thinking and feeling that, you want to try and do everything right. Well the problem is, what is 'right?' What's right for one baby and family is not for another.
I heard the cliche 'Babies don't come with instruction manuals' time & time again and I really thought it was so lame. Now, um yeah, where IS my instruction manual?! After 9 weeks, we are for sure figuring things out. Books, websites and friends have helped, but there is an overabundance of information out there to 'help' you & at times it for sure has. On the other hand, sometimes all it does is confuse the heck out you and make you question yourself. I think that's the hardest part. I never really squabbled in my confidence or my choices, but I swear these past weeks sure have tested that. What if we do this, will that help? How do I help her sleep better? How do we get her on a schedule? The list goes on...On that note, I sent Matt to go out and get a particular baby sleep book for me. He comes back and informs me that the book was at B&N in the 'Problem Children' area. Great. Now, my child has a problem..just one more thing to worry about. Yeah right.
I know I'm the only mom Mollie will ever know & I think I'm a pretty darn good one I will say:) I want to make her the happiest baby possible and do everything 'right.' I think I'm starting to let go of the obsessive need to read into things too much and question our choices. I want Mollie to lead us and let us know what she wants. Hun, we're listening- tell us what you want! I promise to put down all the books and delete some of the bookmarked websites & just spend time with you. Not a whole lot of information, just good ole' quality time:) Our newest favorite past-time.
The unfortunate part of becoming a parent is that everyone has a "magical recipe" or book that they feel you should follow to have the perfect baby. There's an overemphasis on "sleeping through the night" and that really equates to about 4-5 hours at your child's age - not 8-12. Formula fed babies sleep through the night much earlier than breast fed babies because breastmilk is essentially already digested and goes through their tiny tummies rather quickly.
ReplyDeleteI struggled EXACTLY like you did with my son. He didn't adhere to any of the books and absolutely loved to be held. I struggled with it because everyone said I was "spoiling" him - but, you really can't spoil a child by meeting their NEEDS - food, warmth, physical touch.... Put down the books, don't worry about what anyone else says and follow YOUR heart and YOUR instincts. No one knows your child better than you and no one can tell you what your child SHOULD be doing. And remember that for thousands of years, Mothers have been raising babies without books and been just doing what feels normal - and for thousands of years, Moms slept with their babies because they didn't have separate bedrooms - and babies didn't and couldn't cry to sleep because it woke up everyone.
Enjoy - it goes VERY quickly and before you can blink, this time is gone.
By the way - Sonya sent me to your site!